The Talk

Not so long ago, my oldest became quite curious about all the changes that would inevitably begin to take place. She was 9 at the time. Just like the time she began to ask me question after question aboutSanta Claus, (She literally wanted me to help her understand how he could make it to so many houses in one night all the way around the world) she began to want answers to questions that took me by surprise. The way Madison thinks fascinates me. Much like her daddy..(he would say me), she is not fully satisfied by the short and sweet answers. Her mind craves information and understanding on how things work and why they work the way they do. Now in my mind, I had a couple of choices. I was already familiar with the God's Design for Sex series, a set of books published by Navpress with age recommendations. (To my utter shock, I was actually behind based on their timeline.) I still felt a deep sense of inadequacy and questioned how much to share with her. But at the end of the day, explaining periods and development only seemed to make sense alongside the understanding of God's institution of marriage and more specifically sex. Now I love Madison and appreciate that sometimes she doesn't even know where her questions are going to lead. She can be innocently naive. I know she got more than she bargained for when we sat down to read the second book describing in detail how babies are made. I still remember her head jerking up after the explicit explanation of how God designed a man and woman's anatomy. "How does THAT work?" was her question. To which my response was "just like it says".

Selfishly, I was proud that I made it through the conversation, we closed the book, and the enlightenment she experienced did not lead to heart failure or make me pass out like I had anticipated. (I confess I had been much less worried about her than I had myself.) I had no idea that by making sex such a matter of fact concept and a gift from God, (Thank you Navpress!) that the stage would not be set for further conversation.

Over the past year, I have appreciated time in the car with her. (This is the best place to have conversations with your kids so be intentional when you are running errands) I have been pretty content with her understanding and periodically asked her if she had any more questions. Maybe I am naive (I wonder where she gets it) but the difference between me asking her how she feels about sex and her latest test at school have seemed no different. All this changed a few weeks ago. Thank you Lord for controlling my jaw that wanted to drop, for giving me a game face, and for playing it cool...something I have learned that is invaluable when your kiddos ask you questions. (saving the overly dramatic response for when I am repeating the story to my husband) She simply asked...

"Mommy, what is the difference between ungodly and godly sex?"

Wow! I admit that a part of me was so grateful for straightforward the question, but the other part of me had this sinking feeling knowing we were about to venture deeper into this topic. Thoughts raced through my head in that 2 second pause. Amazing how quickly our brains process information, isn't it? Up until now, I am quite certain she was under the impression that sex was only for reproductive purposes. I also knew by explaining to her God's heart for sex to remain between a married man and woman, the inevitable question of "did you wait?" could come up. I was fully prepared to let her know that "daddy and I waited" and save the details of my past for later...possibly another conversation on a different errand. She never asked those questions, but something unexpected happened. I suddenly looked at her and felt reassured that talking to her about my past would not be the worst thing. Her lack of embarassment suddenly put me at ease... (I thought it would be the other way around) and she proceeded to ask what the next book was about.

So as of today, she is still curious, wants to read the NEXT book in the series with me, (and there are words in this book that I did not hear until I took Anatomy in college or read until I went through pre-marital counseling), and this time has informed me that she has questions but does not even know what to ask. (She actually told me that) How could I not be grateful? Because of how tainted my view of sex was, I now see through her eyes the innocence and beauty of it all...the way God intended it to be when we first discover. I am so thankful for our relationship and how comfortable she is with me. She has given me courage to now prepare her sisters (which began a few weeks ago with the first book).

God continues to answer the prayers I prayed long ago when only holding them as babes. I remember praying desperately for wisdom in this area (and am praying even more desperately now). I have longed desired that she would hear information for the first time for me. The reality is that the world is in a race against us as parents in this area. I know we all approach this topic differently and at different times when we feel is appropriate. I encourage you to not make it weird because it doesn't have to be. Have the conversations. See things through the eyes of your child and not from the vantage point of a world that has tainted sexuality. Open the door so that our children can walk through unashamed, curious, bold, and with conviction to save what God intended as sacred.