Messy

Friday, July 22, 2011

Just Enough


I confess. I have thought many times how nice it would be to have one of these trees. Haven't we all?

The last several weeks have been such a mental test for me. The subject of money has been a source of fear in our marriage for many years. You would think that for someone who has seen God provide on a consistent basis that fear would lessen. Just in the last year, He has provided for our non-profit in ways I never would have imaginged. He afforded me the opportunity of a lifetime to go to Israel. A debt owed on our van was forgiven. And I am sure there are more! While I can say my worry has gotten better, I know that way down deep it still holds on by a thread. (okay maybe a rope). Money is like anything else deceptive, it appears to be a fix for all of life's issues. Money wants to drive me to "if only" thinking. If only we could do this, pay for this, drive this, or buy this...all would be great! I know that isn't true, but money sure wants me to believe and give in to this lie.

Upon receipt of some medical bills over the last couple of days, I have thought a great deal about the concept of God's provision in our lives. Because God is so gracious, He has allowed me to see that His provision is not limited to a tree with money (like the one above), a check in the mail, or a stack of cash at my front door. While those things would be nice...okay great, really, I would miss out on seeing Him in other ways. When I was in Israel, I found peace easy to experience. We were surrounded by examples of how God provided for His people in war, in the desert, and in the most unlikely circumstances. One particular day, while in the desert, we saw some trees that were somehow green and living. Water was scarce, but to my amazement the trees were surviving because they were given...not an overabundance of water...and not too little water that they were barely hanging on...but just enough.
My hope was to remember the things I saw and find strength not succumb to my doubts once home. So try as I may, I lasted a few days before breaking down in tears and asking for a money tree(ha!) and leaving behind the thought of the other desert trees.

God began to stir in me and used some sweet prayer time with a friend to show me something even more valuable than money. God was prompting me not to ask for money, but for His peace. While what He wanted to give me does not pay the bills, it frees my soul and is no quick fix. So as I sit here, the bills are not payed, no money tree is growing in my backyard, and Target has not sent me that $5000 for filling out the survey on their website, but I am at peace...and a prayer has been answered...and for me that is just enough.

Proverbs 30,8b-9a "give me neither poverty nor riches; fill me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny you and say, "Who is the LORD?"



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