Distraction

So if you have ever read any of my other posts, you will quickly realize that I love illustrations, especially the ones life presents in watching 3 sweet little girls. A few days ago, we were having a typical morning before school: breakfast, getting dressed, signing papers, organizing backpacks with homework, lunches, snacks, etc. (I try to get this done the night before as much as possible as to keep from having a nervous breakdown before sending my kids on their way for the day). I had specifically asked Cali to bring me something from her backpack, to which she kept returning to me with something other than what was requested. This is not uncommon as Cali is sometimes easily distracted. Some mornings she will make 2 or more trips up and down the stairs because she keeps going upstairs, seeing something that interests her, forget what she went up there for originally, and then return downstairs...thus we start the process over again. I'm not really irritated (okay sometimes I am...thus the sigh and look of disappointment she sees on my face). Try as I may, I cannot for the life of me figure out the difference between her pure-hearted, dreamy, laid back personality, and disobedience. What I know is that God constantly uses my children to bring to light my own issues.

You would think that someone who has a list, procedure, time, and routine for many things might not get as easily distracted. I may not have to make 3 or 4 trips up and down the stairs because I forgot what it was I was doing and needed in the first place (acutally as I age, this is becoming more common)...BUT I am just as susceptible to distraction. While Cali's distractions seem to be more innocent and without intent, I cannot always say the same for mine.

So here it is...the part where I bring up spending time with the Lord. Please don't stop reading. And excuse this little tangent but I must explain where I am coming from before proceeding. I know when I first began the process of trying to grow spiritually, I was intimidated to no end with other's knowledge of the Bible, their ability to pray ever so eloquently, memorize scripture, and never miss a single day without opening their Bible. My pastor, at the time, even mentioned how his wife had never even missed a single "quiet time" except for one time when she had to go to the hospital. While I knew time with the Lord was vital, I began to strive to treat our time as an item on a list. My heart was not in the right place and I began to grow weary of the ritual I had made it out to be. (Like I said, I can make just about anything routine for the sake of routine and suck the life out of it until it truly becomes no more than a ritual...I am working on this as it leads to a performance mentality...and very unhealthy expectations.) Since those days, God has been ever so patient with me as I wrestled through what our time together needed to look like. Letting go of methods and techniques was the first step for me. The next would prove to be the most difficult, though: making our time a priority.

Distraction has been a force to be reckoned with in this area. How incredibly patient and gracious the Lord has been to me. More times than not, I have felt the need to spend time with Lord and outright ignored Him. Just imagine someone you absolutely enjoy spending time with and them continually telling you over and over again how busy they are...but still reassuring you that you are a priority. You might begin to wonder or even believe them. Imagine the jealousy you would feel while watching them give time and attention to plenty of other things of seemingly less importance. Then imagine those very things they spend time with steal their perspective, joy, and state of contentment. (I'm convicted just writing this too so don't stop reading just yet.) Imagine them actually starting to believe the lies of the world while you desperately wait for them to ask you for truth. Imagine them caring more about what everyone else is doing except you. (yes, that was a jab at facebook and twitter).

Just by looking at a person's checkbook and calendar you can judge a great deal about his or her priorties. I might also add in computer log, tivo, email, or text messages. When I take an honest look at my own "distractions", I realize my list is longer than I care to admit. The number of missed opportunites continues to increase and I miss out on spending time with the One I deem most important in my life.

Distraction is defined as

"the diversion of attention of an individual or group from the chosen object of attention onto the source of distraction. Distraction is caused by one of the following: lack of ability to pay attention; lack of interest in the object of attention; greater interest in something other than the object of attention; or the great intensity, novelty or attractiveness of something other than the object of attention."

So my question for you and myself is are you diverting attention away from the Lord? Are you lacking interest in Him? Do you have greater interest in something else? Is something else more attractive or alluring? Hard questions for me too. How patient is Our Heavenly Father...

"My" Gray Shirt

Madison and Cali are just over 20 months apart. I did not grow up with sister so I don't understand all the dynamics of their relationship at times. You know...best friends one minute, playing together and laughing, sharing clothes...followed by other moments of irritation, hurt feelings, agitation, and not wanting to share a thing. Because of my either "not getting it" or a lack of tolerance for selfishness in out home, I could not believe what transpired over a gray shirt.

Today is school picture day and Cali had asked Madison if she could wear her new gray shirt. Madison had just taken pictures for another occasion in this shirt and I suggested she wear something else...to which she agreed. Madison told Cali "no" much to my disappointment. Cali was frustrated and I was more than a little annoyed. Many thoughts went through my head...why couldn't she be excited for her sister to wear something that she was excited about...if any of her friends had asked to borrow the shirt, she would have gladly said "yes"...why is she being so hard hearted...why can't she see how she is holding onto selfishness. So after reminding myself that she is 9, still learning, and still growing, I simply told her that I would encourage her to think about why she was unwilling to allow Cali to borrow the shirt. She went into her closet with big "huff" and started to yank the shirt off the hangar. I admonished her not to give the shirt to Cali unless she was doing so with sincerity and a soft heart...and not simply out of obligation or “because I told her to”. I said a sweet good night and went to my room to get ready for bed.

Only a few moments had passed when Madison came in with big tears in her eyes. "Mommy, why are you acting like 'that'? I need to know we are okay before I go to bed." She was absolutely correct in that I was acting distant and my disappointment had me acting a little colder that she was accustomed.

Earlier that morning, I had just been studying attributes of the Holy Spirit in our lives and could not help but see this as an opportunity to talk about conviction. We sat on her bed as I asked her questions about what was keeping her from graciously giving the shirt to Cali. We talked about opportunities to love others, be selfless, and the fruit of the Spirit. We talked about the Holy Spirit's role in our life to help us make choices that are honoring to God. And, I told her I could not control her response and that she has to give the Holy Spirit freedom to guide her and counsel her into making wise choices.

Yes it’s quite a bit for a 9 year old to soak in but such a powerful moment as a mom. I don't expect her to "get it" completely but I explained to her the importance of walking with God and listening to that "little voice" that was telling her what she knew was right all along. I told her that as her mom, I would only encourage so far, but that the softening of her heart before the Lord is her responsibility. At the end of our little theology lesson on the Holy Spirit, I asked her what she thought she should do. She realized she owed Cali an apology and wanted to let her borrow the shirt.

No wonder we moms have to be in the Word and be prepared for discipling these little ones at all times. 2 Timothy 4:2 says "Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage--with great patience and careful instruction."

I just know God wants us to take those opportunities seriously and seek to shape these little hearts. I confess that it's emotionally draining at times. Just writing it out and thinking through it all over again has taken a great deal of energy. But - I firmly believe that is why we must not become distracted with too many other things. And as exhausted as I was last night after our conversation, I have to believe that moments like those will go farther than I could ever imagine.

Access

‎"To let Christ have access to everything needing alteration, we must give Him permission to get very personal with us and allow Him into the deepest places of our hearts"

Where am I holding back? What places am I unwilling to allow Christ to penetrate my heart? Where am I being stubborn? Where have I ignored His Spirit and allowed my flesh to win?

Praying for awareness today and a reliance on His strength to be a true Christ follower in my marriage, my relationship with my kids, my home, and relationships with others...and for grace when I mess it all up and have to start over again.