Yesterday I decided to FINALLY clean my shower. Isn't it ironic that the very thing that you would imagine to be clean could contain so much nasty grime? I began thinking about my house as a whole. On any given day, you would probably find my house to be fairly tidy. You might walk in (except for the laundry room of course), and even assume my house to be clean. The problem is that I KNOW it's not. I know that there is a splatter of grease on the backsplash of my stove, water stains on the cabinetry under my dishwasher, baseboards begging to be white again, fingerprints on my stair rail, crumbs under the table, toothepaste splattered all over the girls bathroom upstairs. All is easily hidden when things appear to be straight and tidy.
As I cleaned the shower, (and I will spare you the grimy details), I thought about my life right now and the lessons I am stubbornly having to learn. In general, if you were to look at my life, I would say it APPEARS straight. My priorities seem to be in order...for the most part. But that is not what God is doing with me right now. He is not straightening me up, He is cleaning me and exposing all the dirt that has been sitting in me for a while.
A few weeks ago, a dear friend gave me the book, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Little did I know at the time that God would continue to reinforce this idea of "just enough" in my heart and mind. Little did I know that He would start some deep cleaning in me and how much grime would be exposed. Seeing the nasty funk up close is not pretty. I keep catching my thoughts, wanting to take back words, and so aware of every area where I lack gratefulness. I appreciate the testimony and story of Ann Voskamp who has struggled to choose God and what He has given. If I am completely honest, I like the appearance of clean and not what it takes to get there. So many areas that are unsurrendered and easy to just tidy exist. I pretend, cover, hide, and sweep things under the proverbial rug deep in my heart. With my lips I say that I am grateful... and I believe in the moment I truly am...but then that dissatisfaction with life creeps in and in an instant I am lacking gratitude, comparing my life to others, and the grime becomes visible again.
Desperately I want to walk with an authentic, thankful outlook on life. But first, I must aquiesce to the Perfector of my Faith. I am not expecting perfection here...there will be spots on my heart until the day of Christ return. But I pray that I allow Him to point out what I miss and not just live life pretending and failing to recognize what needs alot of elbow grease. Thanks for putting up with me Lord. You know my every thought, even the ones I can so easily conceal, and still love me. Would you clean the nooks and crannies? Would you keep my eyes open to what you see?
2 Corinthians 7:1 Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.
Philippians 1:4-6 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
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